Where To Find Confidence When You Have None


[LAMCA, Los Angeles]

I should probably start this post off by saying that I'm still a huge work in progress when it comes to confidence, but if I wait till I'm completely confident to write this post then my god I'll just never write it. For me personally I can't stand it when people preach 'rules' at me, everyone is flawed and I actually enjoy it when people who struggle in areas give some tips and tricks with how they cope. I suppose when I'm struggling with something it's easier for me to take advice from someone else who's been or is going through it, rather than from someone who has never struggled or has everything sorted (do these people exist?).

So from a person who is still working on all of this herself, here are the things I've found that have worked best for me when it comes to improving confidence...


Figure out what makes you different. 

Everyone always says to embrace the things you like about yourself, but starting from the very bottom- what if there's nothing you like about yourself? I've been there, it's a dark place.

Sure, you can look at your waist and think "yeah, I like that" but try and dig deeper. Think about what it is that sets you apart from other people and truly makes you different. What gives you a different viewpoint to the person next to you, what makes you look different than the person next to you, what makes you walk and talk different, think differently, everything. It's funny because often the things we think are odd or 'weird' about ourselves are exactly what other people love and admire.


Realise that it's only up from here. 

J.K. Rowling said that "Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."
Personally I love this quote and I think it can be applied to confidence as well. If you feel like you have zero confidence, take some comfort in the idea that things can only get better from here on out. At the very least, find confidence in the fact that confidence is coming.


Train your thoughts. 

Negative thoughts really suck (there's the understatement of the year) but it's pretty empowering to realise that a thought whether positive or negative is just a thought, and a thought can be changed.
Confidence is hard enough to gain without your brain throwing out insults at you left, right and centre. Every time a negative thought comes into your brain, realise that it's just a negative thought and try and change it to something more positive. If my brain is saying uplifting things to me my entire day gets better. It may sound corny, but it's true.


Do things that make you feel good. 

You know that feeling when you do something that you know you're not very good at (like me with sports) and you start feeling this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach like you just want to run off and hide? Well that there's probably the opposite of confidence-boosting so if you're low on self-esteem, find something that you're good at and let that lift your confidence naturally. It feels good to be good at something, it just does.



Do you have any tips for finding and building confidence?

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76 comments:

  1. For me is stopping comparing myself with others - that usually really makes my confidence go down so I am really trying to reduce that ! xx


    www.hairwonderfulday.com

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    1. The same for me as well, I guess it's pretty common but usually the more we compare the worse we feel.

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  2. I know what you mean about following rules or advice from others as often we've made our minds up and only we can change the way we feel. Saying that I do feel external factors can help boost our confidence - support from people and being in a positive environment. For me I had really low self esteem in my 20's but now in my 30's I care less what people think! I believe in myself as cheesy as it sounds and do things I want and enjoy :) When we stop worrying about what other people thing, I think that helps loads too!

    Hanh | Hanhabelle

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    1. Oh god I hope that happens to me when I hit my 30's! I know what you mean though, even in myself when I don't care about what someone thinks of me I feel a lot better.

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  3. Really very well written and interesting. Like to read your post.
    http://tipsoye.com/

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  4. The training your thoughts tip is such a good one! It definitely works!! xx

    www.diaryofanexpatgirl.com

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    1. It's hard to do (for me at least) but it's so worth it!

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  5. These are such amazing tips! I found them so helpful so thank you hun! You also look so pretty in the photos!
    Fix Me In Forty Five - A Beauty & Lifestyle Blog
    Blog Lovin' // Instagram
    xx

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    1. Ah thank you Stacey, that's such a nice thing to say :)

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  6. Fab tips, I could so relate. Please check out my new Day To Night Loose Waves Tutorial!
    Kisses xo | From Aliona With Love
    Instagram @alionawithlove
    Twitter @alionawithlove

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  7. This is one of the best things I've read about self confidence! I just feel like people always give out generic tips but what you're saying here is so achievable and there are actual things that we can work on! Thanks a lot for this!
    Lucie, xx

    http://thefrenchpier.blogspot.com/

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    1. Wow thank you Lucie! That's probably one of the best compliments I could ever get on this post :) x

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  8. Inspiring tips. My best one would be to trust the future, and convince myself that eventually, everything will pan out!
    Margaux
    www.bonjourwhite.com

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    1. That's a really good tip, same as thinking that everything happens for a reason!

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  9. Great post Hun and very good tips, I lack a lot of self confidence in myself and I am trying to work on it. I really like the train your thoughts I think this is one of the hardest things but most beneficial.

    Nicole xx | www.nicolesbeautybabble.com

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    1. Definitely, it's something that takes me a long time to do and I have to constantly work on it but it's worth it when your mind starts actually saying positive things to you, if that makes sense...

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  10. I love this post. For me I have found that my confidence has increased as I have been getting older. I think one of my main tips is to appreciate your body for what it can do, not how it looks. For example, one of my favourite things about working out is when I can hold a yoga pose for longer or get into a pose I couldn't previously do. I love noticing that I am getting stronger more flexible. Sure looking fitter and losing weight is amazing, but those things you don't really notice until there ia a dramatic difference. I have also just had a baby (well 7 months ago) and I still need to tone up and lose that loose mum skin on my belly. So right now I'm not entirely happy with how I look. But when I notice myself feeling that way, I tell myself this body brought my beautiful daughter in the world and she is more than worth it. I definitely think having a positive self esteem and mind is crucial in feeling confident. You could look like a model, but if you have a negative or low self esteem, you aren't going to be confident. Doing something you love is important too, as if you aren't having fun doing it, then your confidence isn't going to increase. Great post, thankyou for sharing.

    Sarah's Abode -xx

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    1. That's what I tend to hear from people (about getting older) and honestly it makes me more and more excited for each passing year. I think appreciating your body for what it can do it a great tip as well, and also not just that but also just appreciating it for keeping you alive and letting you move and walk and run and talk etc. It's the things we take for granted with our body that we'd miss the most if they were gone, and then this whole self-confidence thing would seem silly in comparison if we lost those abilities with our body.

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  11. LOVE this! Thanks for the tips :) :) xoxo

    https://fino.la/

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  12. These are all such fantastic ideas. Thanks for sharing! xx
    Omnivogues

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  13. I think the first and most important step is to accept our uniqueness and our flaws and finally embrace them. As soon as we learn to love ourself then we will find the confidence in ourself.

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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    1. It's a hard task but it's true, thanks Shireen :)

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  14. I am working hard for this confident! I think once I care less other people thoughts about me, I am more confident and stronger.

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    1. I agree Maggie, I used to really care what people think and even though I still care what some people think, with others I couldn't care less about their opinions of me and that's such a freeing feeling.

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  15. This is such a good post. I love that you didn't wait and really addressed it. That quote from JK is great, she really did build up her life from a dark, humble place. It shows that with hope you can go so far.
    xx Jenelle
    www.inspiringwit.com

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  16. I definitely need to train my thoughts better! All too often I put myself down and compare myself to others!

    www.ohsobecky.com

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    1. Me too, it's a bad habit but I think if I (well, we) can break it then everything would be different.

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  17. Training your thoughts is such a good tip and one I was taught to keep in mind back when I was a teen; good thoughts stem from good thoughts. I love these photos of you by the way; so light and fresh! :)

    aglassofice.com
    x

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    1. That's great that you heard that even back when you were just a teen! I wish I'd stayed working on it back then.

      Thanks for the comment on the photos as well Gabrielle! Honestly hearing feedback on my images always makes me especially happy.

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  18. Awesome post! I think yoga helps build confidence too. Its just you and your body, nothing to compare yourself to really. I like train your thoughts! Super relevant to everyone.

    Je M'appelle Chanel

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    1. Ah I wouldn't have thought of yoga but that's a great idea!

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  19. Love everything about this post! So cute!
    Love, Hadasah Love
    http://www.styletolove.com | Instagram @hadasahlove

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  20. This is a really nice post, especially right now during finals week because of all the pressure one may feel, its like all your confidence about your work and your future can turn to sh*t. Great one yet again! :) xx

    -Mitzee

    mitzeeruth.blogspot.com

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    1. Good luck with finals Mitzee! If I could offer any advice it would be to just try your hardest and then realise that a couple years from now your finals will seem like such a small, irrelevant thing!

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  21. Oh wow! Fantastic post! I very much agree with training your thoughts...that works really well for me too.

    Gorgeous photos as well. :)

    ~Lindsey
    http://have-clothes-will-travel.com/

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  22. Loved reading this post, thanks for sharing your tips.

    http://thealexandraedit.com

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  23. I enjoyed reading your post. I'm also building my confidence step by step and some days are harder then others!
    I love that idea of finding what makes you different and that maybe it's also what people like the most about you! ;)

    Laura | http://www.furiouslychic.ch/

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    1. So glad you could relate to that Laura, and I really do find it to be true!

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  24. These are are all great tips and you're looking gorgeous in your photos! I was trying to think of other tips but I think you've said all the ones that matter the most. Great post!

    Stacey + thebambieyes.com

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  25. This could not have come at a better time. Beautifully well written and amazing tips. Really enjoyed this lovely!

    Elle
    www.theellenextdoor.com
    xx

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    1. Thanks Elle, I love that this was perfect timing for you too :) x

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  26. Thank you for the comment on my post, I think sunglasses are a great little present! I love this post, such amazing tips! Negative thoughts really are a nightmare aren't they, we just need to learn to over come them!
    http://www.pagesfrombeth.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. They really can be a nightmare to say the least, thanks Beth!

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  27. Girl I absolutely love this post - SO well written, I adore this comment 'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life' - so true! P.s love that outfit on you lady!

    Hayley xo
    www.frockmeimfamous.com

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    1. Ah thanks Hayley, that means a lot! That quote really does ring true though doesn't it? J.K Rowling is always on the money I say.

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  28. I love this post and I totally agree with so much of what you've said, especially with where and who gives you the advice. So glad you got to writing/posting this post girlie. Keep up that confidence mama!

    ❤︎
    Dakota D.
    http://fannypacksandvisors.com
    Instagram/Snapchat/Twitter: @missdsquared413

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    1. Thanks Dakota, I'm really glad I plucked up the courage to write this post too. It was sort of like ripping off a bandaid, but it was worth it in the end :)

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  29. beautiful look, love the cami! beautifully written post :)

    footnotes and finds

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  30. You look stunning in this post! I agree with what you said :)

    Love it!

    Amyelizabethporter.blogspot.com

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  31. Oh my, what a beautiful post! I'm feeling very inspired, thank you for this.

    http://www.lashesandluxe.co.uk/

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  32. Such great tips, only you can lift yourself higher. Love the J.K Rowling advice, so true. I have tried to be more positive recently and this has really helped,now to free myself of negative people!
    Thanks for sharing,
    Jaz
    Xoxo
    http://www.thelifeofasocialbutterfly.co.uk

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    1. I'm currently trying to free myself of negative people too x

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  33. Wow, this is so relevant to my life right now. Confidence is something that has been on my mind a lot, and not just in terms of appearance/ body confidence.. also in my confidence of my ability to do things. Like, I'm not really a person with a 'go-getter' personality and often doubt myself. All of these tips were spot on!! And I love how you said you didn't wait for yourself to become confident to write this post, that's something I always feel when it comes to blogging. I never quite feel like an 'expert' but I have to remember.. that's okay! Absolutely great post, very inspiring!
    Julia || Julia in Bluhm

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    1. Thanks Julia!

      So glad to hear someone else feels the same way, sometime before I publish a post I just completely question its validity because I'm no expert at things. Again though, that all comes down to confidence...

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  34. Love the new blog look - it's absolutely gorgeous and so easy to navigate!!! Wishing you a wonderful 2017 filled with happiness, health and love! Can't wait to see your new posts, always looking forward to them :)

    Layla xx

    http://www.sprinklesofstyle.co.uk

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    1. Thanks Layla! I'm still figuring out some issues with the new design but it's getting there! Hope you have a great 2017 as well :)

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  35. Great pics, love to visit this place one day too:)

    Bridge of Memories

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  36. I needed to read this post, it was lovely! I definitely focus on the negatives far too much!


    Lauren x
    http://www.huggled.co.uk/

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  37. You're outfit is super cute
    xx
    Winnie
    xxx
    New Blog Post: http://itsjustwinnie.blogspot.co.uk/2017/01/what-will-you-wear-aisle-style-dresses.html
    Instagram: @itsjustwinnie1

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  38. Very informative post having confidence plays a very important role in life. Thanks for sharing such an interesting information.
    Anti-Aging Treatment by Revitol :)

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  39. Hey! Looking beautiful. The color of the outfit perfectly bind up your looks. I am going to the same outfit this summer. May be the color conmbinations differ.

    melissa@dermology hair removal cream side effects

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  40. Looking so beautiful in this outfit. But with a cool clothing, It's equally important to take care of skin so that you could flaunt freely and for this it is must to opt proper skin care routine.

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