Finding Your Voice On And Offline

how to find your voice online

If like me you're someone who is naturally introverted and you've got people pleasing tendencies, then you'll know that sometimes finding your voice and speaking up (both on and offline) can be a pretty difficult thing. I think people hear 'introverted' and often assume that if you identify with that then you must be a shy, quiet person. Everyone is different but for me that's completely not the case. In groups and especially around people I don't know, I am the observer, I'll be saying a lot in my head but not much aloud. With friends or people I feel comfortable around I am the opposite, I literally do not shut up.

So how does that translate to the online world? At first when I started blogging I felt pretty intimidated and even if I had a bunch of strong opinions, I wouldn't say them. Now after blogging for a while I've finally started to find my voice, both on and offline and here's how:

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melbourne blogger victoria australia the sunday mode
Have a safe space. 

When I started blogging I stuck to pretty basic kinds of posts and hesitated to post anything that could be even slightly controversial or anything advice related for fear that people would call me out if they didn't agree. What I've come to realise though is that The Sunday Mode is my safe space where I can share my opinions and what works for me, regardless of whether it's going to work for every Tom, Dick and Harry out there- you know? I'll never be one to give advice and say people have to do a certain thing but if I'm struggling and find something that helps me, I want to share that. Having a space where I can regularly voice my opinions is therapeutic to say the least and it's made me much more confident to be able to share my thoughts both on and offline, rather than keeping them to myself.


Realise your opinions matter. 

It occurred to me a while back that I really supported people both online and in the 'real world' who shared what they loved and believed in, even if it was pretty out there or un-popular. So then I started wondering why the hell I was so scared to do the same.  I mean, I was nervous just to say that I liked the 'My Favourite Murder' podcast in this post about podcasts I love because I worried people might think I was a weirdo and judge me for being really interested in true crime stories....
What I've come to realise though is that what I think does matter just as much as the next person/blogger/random person on the street, so there's not really any reason to shy away from sharing our opinions and beliefs. If I disagree with what someone is saying, that doesn't mean I'm automatically wrong and just because someone is louder about their beliefs that doesn't make them anymore valid than my own.

finding your voice on and offline
Don't just agree with what everyone else says. 

I was reading a blog post about this a while back and since then I've really noticed that most people's comments on their blogs are really agreeable- can everyone seriously agree that much? Lately especially I've been making a conscious effort to resist the urge to not rock the boat and just speak up in a comment if I really disagree with what someone is saying and it's been incredibly freeing. I'll never be rude or try to bring someone down but what's the point in saying "yeah I agree, great post!" if in reality you completely disagree and actually have strong reasoning for why you disagree that could broaden someone's mind a bit or strike up an intelligent conversation about a topic. While I'm not saying you should comment "SO damn ugly" on a post just because you don't like an eyeshadow shade, I do fear that in the blogging community especially everyone is so busy agreeing with one another that we don't really take the time to consider how we really feel.


Having your own space online really gives us all an incredible opportunity to share our thoughts, have frank conversations about previously 'taboo' topics or do whatever the heck we want, for me that's one of my favourite parts about blogging!

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33 comments:

  1. I used to be the same in the way I was afraid to say or post anything that was a little out of the ordinary - although I still don't go crazy I feel like over time you develop your own style and you feel more comfortable just writing whatever you want! It's a process but it's all worth it in the end! x

    - Eternalleigh.blogspot.com

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    1. I don't really go crazy either but I think like you said it's more just a process of feeling like you can write whatever you want :)

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  2. Ahh this was such an important post. I loved reading this and I felt like I definitely needed it. I've been blogging for a while now and I consider myself an introvert as well, so it can be tough for both these things to work together. It takes a bit of time and practice to treat our blogs as a safe space, considering we know just how many people read it and how EVERYONE has access to it, so perhaps it just takes a bit of courage to put ourselves out there. Finding a voice also matters a lot, and it's a shame that some bloggers tend to overlook it.
    I agree SO MUCH with your last point about agreeing too much! Don't you think that also happens sometimes because commenters don't actually read 100% of the post, but only gather bits and pieces of it and jump to a conclusion then leave a comment based off that just for the sake of it? I think it's good to turn comment sections into open discussion, instead of always just a bunch of "nice"ness being thrown around. I don't know if that makes sense.
    Great, great post. Have a lovely week xx

    Joanne | Life in Blue Skies

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    1. Thank you!

      I agree it's taken me longer than I though to feel like my blog is a safe space and honestly I always forget that anyone and everyone can read it if they wanted to...

      Yep I think that's why everyone agrees as well, you're spot on and I really want my comments to be more discussion oriented as well. It's like I don't really need people to necessarily agree with me you know? Sometimes the most growth in me comes from when someone completely disagrees and then I end up completely rethinking my opinions!

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  3. Nice post! I'm very open on my blog, and I welcome all comments as long as it's done in a respectful way. Sometimes the unpopular comment makes me think of things I probably wouldn't have thought about. Thanks for opening up this discussion.
    www.comfycozyup.com

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    1. I try to be the same way and like you said, sometimes it's the people who disagree that really get you thinking!

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  4. I know exactly what you mean! I'm naturally pretty introverted, but have taken a couple of courses recently on assertiveness, which I have found helpful for finding my voice online and offline. Great post, thanks for sharing!x

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    1. Ah I didn't even know there were courses in that but that sounds really interesting :)

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  5. YES to this post! Definitely with you on that last point in not agreeing with everything people say! I think it's important to voice your opinions online, but also be accepting aswell, as I see so many people online forcing their opinions on to others and not appreciating an opposing view. Thank you for sharing lovely. :)

    Heather Xx
    100waysto30.co.uk

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    1. Oh god me too! When I see people forcing opinions it really bothers me.

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  6. Ah girl, this is all so true. When I first started blogging I was so afraid of rocking the boat and I also stayed away from giving advice because I didn't feel like I was qualified in any way. But then I decided to take a new perspective: I write the things I need to read. Most of the 'advice' type stuff on my blog is just as much advice for myself as it is for other people. And that philosophy has helped me justify it, I think.
    I also really like that you brought up the agreeable comments thing. I've noticed that also, and it can feel a bit disingenuous sometimes. I love that the blogging community is so supportive, but honesty is what feels the most valuable. You can be supportive while not compromising your own thoughts and beliefs. Such a good post, Julia! Really made me think!
    Julia | Julia in Bluhm

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    1. Yep that's how I felt too (especially with giving advice!) and it's funny because when I write advice posts they're 100% aimed at me probably more than anyone else :p

      I like the support of the community too but I do feel like sometimes people are so busy supporting that they're lacking in honesty. It's definitely food for thought eh? So happy you liked this post :)

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  7. Great point about being sure not to simply agree with what everyone else is saying; when everything is available to be read by anyone and everyone online, it's so, so important to stay true to ourselves. Another interesting post, thanks for sharing Julia!

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice x

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  8. Something I have been working on myself in general life (i'm not a blogger) is saying what i really think but in a harmonious way so that i can be honest but not offensive or attacking. I'm getting better but so often what I have communicated has not been my intention. I find even when I leave a comment on peoples posts I spend a lot of time writing it as I don't want to be misunderstood. However sometimes when I speak the words can come out of my mouth without having been filtered by my mind, especially if I am doing more than one thing at a time - like driving and talking.
    Also, I agree with Joanne ( the second comment from top) I love reading comment sections when they turn into open discussions.

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    1. It's harder than it seems to say your unfiltered opinions without coming off as offensive isn't it? It can be so hard when you have the best intentions but it ends up not coming out that way!

      To be honest I don't know how filtered what comes out of my mouth is, I suppose I just cross my fingers that I don't accidentally offend or make someone feel bad while I'm trying to be honest. Then again, knowing when to be honest and knowing when to keep your opinions to yourself is another thing. Argh, it's all a bit of a juggling game really!

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  9. LOVE this post lady, completely agree with the 'don't just agree with what everyone else says' point - it's so easy to just go alone with what other people are saying, but to speak out if it's something you feel indifferent about!

    Hayley xo
    www.frockmeimfamous.com

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    1. Oh for sure, it's tempting sometimes as well to just agree rather than rock the boat.

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  10. So ein guter Post, danke!<3
    www.blogellive.com

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  11. I agree so much with what you said. I'm similar, in that I'm definitely not quiet, but much prefer to observe and listen to other people, which people often assume is shyness. Although I enjoy being with other people, I definitely like to spend time by myself to recuperate. You've shared some good tips here, especially realising that one's own opinions matter - I'm still working on that!

    //teandtwosugars.blogspot.com xx

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    1. Yep I'm the same, my 'recharge' time is always when I'm by myself (even though sometimes being by myself too much makes me go nuts haha). Your opinion definitely matters as well Georgia! :)

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  12. Such a great post, I really need to be more assertive xxx

    Zoe ♥ MammafulZo

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  13. The point number two is hit me hard. hehe,

    www.extraodiary.com

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  14. such a great post! i love your hair

    vnssachn.blogspot.com

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  15. I identify so much with what you have written.. I've always been incredibly scared of making decisions and have always been the observer in a group of people. It's been a work in progress to find my own voice and feel comfortable with who I am. Especially learning to disagree, which I have to say is much harder than expected..

    xx
    http://landofpermanentbliss.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh for sure! Disagreeing is actually really difficult, especially if you're someone who is used to just agreeing and sort of going with the flow.

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  16. After that last paragraph it seems silly to say this...but I actually really agree with all of this! Haha. I can totally relate, especially to the part about listening to true crime podcasts. My boyfriend and I listen to them every night before bed and I promise we aren't weirdos either. In fact I'm going to check out your podcast blog post next because I need some new suggestions!

    And in terms of a lot of agreeing on blogs I see what you mean there but I personally only comment on blog posts that I actually agree with/like the style. There have been times when I've come across a post and thought 'HELL NO!' haha, but with that I tend to use the rule, 'if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it', unless someone is being completely malicious of course, then they probably need telling. I find on Youtube however, people have no trouble holding back their opinions and be it good, or bad, they will happily tell you. So I quite like blogs for the all round nicer comments, it makes it feel like a safe space to voice your opinion. Anyway, great topic to touch on, I do always enjoy your posts like this. :)

    Samio x
    http://www.samio.co.uk/

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    1. haha no it's all good! Okay that before bed ritual between you and your boyfriend sounds perfect to me, definitely check out the My Favorite Murder podcast :)

      I usually try and follow the rule you mentioned as well but sometimes (I have to say it depends on my mood...) sometimes I just have to share my differing opinion because it's like I can't hold it in anymore, haha

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  17. You've made some really good points! Also, I love the pics in this post!

    Have an amazing day!
    xx Kris

    https://dreamingofpink.wordpress.com

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    1. Ah thanks so much Kris, that means a lot :)

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  18. This is such a great post. I'm definitely more introverted too, but I wouldn't say I was shy and when I'm in small circles with people I'm comfortable with I'm also super chatty! I identify with everything you've said and this post was really comforting and helpful. I'm happy that blogging has taught you how speak up for yourself more and realise that your opinions matter.

    Tia | The 10am Blog

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